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Posts Tagged ‘bipolar’

The Selfish Ass

‘I do not want to push myself to someone’s schedule. If you are busy I would not mind disturbing you unless it is really, really important but I hate being taken for granted.. though I am a self-confessed bipolar.’

This had me sighing for a minute. That line is exactly the statement my not-so-recent ex dropped in my multiply account. VERBATIM! And this is one valid reason for me to, at least, stop visiting my multiply account. You know the feeling when you want to recall your college memories (that i can only find in multiply) and you end up staring blankly in-front of the monitor because you can’t do away with the idea that your ex played a big part during those years.

The statement had me thinking, too, as to how stupid (or what-have-you) I have been in my past relationships. I hate myself for taking that particular ex for granted. I mean, the idea of letting someone feel that way. Gets? Well maybe, I had my own reason for doing so but please, Vince, wake up!

I really hope I’d not end up hearing/reading that line again in my future melonshake/s and/or relationship/s. It makes me think I’m super bad. Worse, it helps me prove to myself that I am not capable of loving, of seriously committing to someone. Because as of now, I think, and I am sure of this, I am a selfish ass.

p.s.: sorry ex. 😦

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Even saints sin..

‘Twas one gloomy afternoon when we were comfortably seated in a cozy resto somewhere along the main road of your city. I had my lasagna. You had your pancit sotanghon, or so i remember. I answered a call from a friend, went outside the resto and sipped a single stick. When I came back, you stopped munching your garlic bread and moved away from your laptop upon hearing me say ‘hey, i want to blog you!’ I never thought blogging about you could be this early. I was waiting for the right drive for me to actually write about you… Until our conversation last night over the phone.

we only have these nonliving objects as witnesses to our conversation

This is a story of a friend. If I sort my friends out, he belongs to those whom I met because I did not have enough choices to choose from. Atik lang, I opted befriending you. Yes, he is a he. And yes again, he is distinct.

In fairness, my mom loves him. He’s been a loyal transient the past holidays. Actually, mom and I share the same reasons for liking this person. Here’s a checklist:

* he is respectful. he welcomes you with a smile, greets you with much courtesy and talks to you nicely.
* he is sensitive. he knows when you’re not in the mood for a talk and stuff alike. 😀
* he is thoughtful. i had 23 missed calls from him when i was bedridden. i asked him to call me 11th of the night so i can take my meds. i didn’t know my phone was in silent mode. he was pissed, i know.
* he is generous. need i say more?
* he is socially involved. yes, he is into outreach activities and that i am proud of him.
* he is smart… i hope to believe. 😉
* he laughs with you. and that’s all that i need when i talk — a laugher. 🙂

And the list continues. See? My friend is ideal. haha. Those were the things my mom and I know about him. Here’s the catch. There are things only I, myself, know about this friend; and I say I, not even his ex, not even his current fishes, not even his family, not even his closest buddies know these things about him. I am sharing you this because I want you to know that saints have bad past. High-five muna para sa magandang tira! Here’s another checklist:

* he sings with his own lyrics.
* he is konyo. and so is his name. he speaks without thinking, sometimes.
* he doesn’t like texting. he calls.
* he is more than dangerous when drunk. during drinking session, he’d try to impress you by chugging every beer and what-have-you that you’d hand him. but when he’s home, he’ll say the words he’s not supposed to say and do what he’s not supposed to do. :p
* POV: he considers humans as toys. I said this is a POV. and i think he is very good at playing with his toys.
* he strips even with a stranger. mouth zipped.
* he is simply the master of kinkiness! his libido overflows. ah-umm.

I usually tell him it’s seldom that I meet a friend who has extreme personalities. He is the quintessential extremes guy. He is an achiever, a good friend. At the same time, he makes you think you’re the most tamed and chaste person on earth when he starts blabbing about his exploits and kinkiness.

He becomes true when he talks to me. He doesn’t filter a thing. He’d initially say “sasabihin ko ba o hindi? sige na nga, sabihin ko na.” And then the rest is history. His stories sometimes become my bedtime stories. And if you hear me shouting in the middle of the night, it’s because I need to shout things out for him to understand that he is not an 18-year old kid who has enough excuses not to get too serious with life.

That the saint has a bad past, and that a sinner has a bad future. I hope not. He deserves a better future. He is on his way there anyway. He should have the best in life! He will always be a friend and as long as I am capable of listening to his rants, stories (both the good and the naughty ones), i will still give him an extra time!

Sometimes, the only thing people see is what you did when in fact they should be looking at why you did it. Now this is what i will figure out next. 😉

p.s.: this is actually a little less harsh from what i originally intend. and another postscript. while writing this, i was updating via ym with my friend when he suddenly signed out without saying a thing. perhaps, perhaps, he had sex again. hahahahah

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waah. i don’t know why somebody said i’m spaced out lately.

spaced-out? yes. i'm almost near the moon. haha

spaced-out? yes. i'm almost near the moon. haha

ooh. may twist na ang aking life diba?

can i just give you the reasons for this?

1. all my subjects have deadlines to beat. and i don’t know if i can beat them. haha.
2. my thesis is oo-la-lah! (di na lang ko magtell)
3. i miss home.
4. it’s graduation soon and it’s not so soon for me. my other friends will be leaving me. that’s so sad, right?
5. i don’t know what’s gonna happen after this sem. i don’t know. *serious*
6. somebody’s bipolar. and it’s not you, angelie! haha
7. back to number 1.

so you think i’m still the beans you can laugh with?

syempre naman. haha. beans will be cool whatever happens.

and to you who noticed i’m spaced-out lately, umm… you are te reason for this. =(

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