Posted in beans alone on April 3, 2010|
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the cycle of the great saliva. eew.
my dear ex-lover, don’t read this. please.
What you see in the picture is the real set-up that I am into right now. Let me start by assigning the four icons included. The one with a sad face is me. The other with a guilty face is my partner. The icon in the topmost part of the picture, which seems to be the happiest among us, is the culprit. And the last on the right, who smiles innocently, is everybody’s friend.
I’ll explain why these icons vary in emotions. I have a new partner, right? Now I thought everything’s fine until I discovered something from a friend. My partner had an “affair” with the culprit one weekend before our monthsary. With whatever under-the-table deal they had that time, I don’t care anymore. Now you know why the culprit has the biggest smile in the picture. Maybe until now, he’s laughing his ass out after having rounds with my partner.
Additional info: the culprit has a decent job. If I just went gaga over this thing, I’d surely go to his workplace and tell everybody his dark secrets. But I am good, at least. Thank me, dearie.
What makes the whole thing cooler is that, the culprit is a friend’s former lover-turned-friend. Now the catch is, the culprit’s former lover and I used to be friends with benefits but didn’t really work well because we decided to be real good friends. My friend has no idea about all these shits right now, the very reason for the innocent smile of the icon in the picture. See? Very complicated, very disappointing.
Why the red lines between my partner and the culprit? Simple. Their affair is indecent. Well at least for my friend and I, the moment we had sexy time, we were both totally single and nobody’s against it that time.
Lastly, the four of us are all bloggers so for sure, they’ve already identified themselves up to this word. Sad but true.
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Posted in beans alone, tagged emotions, love, reality on April 3, 2010|
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Finally! I’m induced to the fact that one of the hardest things to do (ever) is to convince yourself that you are happy even if you’re not, really not! For the countless hours that passed, I have had the quietest times of my life and most were spent blaming myself why some things had to end up the way they were right now. I beg you who happens to read this blog up to this very word for this relatively high-context post but I think this is the only place I can run to right now to speak my heart out, to speak my mind out. I can’t run to all my friends. They all have their lives to live. So right now, when everybody’s bound to sleep, I am writing this nonsense, self-indulgent post hoping that this perturbed feeling would ease up.
I cannot count the bottle of beers I chugged the moment life made me realize of its appalling side. I cannot count the number of sticks I sipped just to make myself busy – that is, lighting, sipping, puffing, and self-talking. I know it sounds odd… and weird but I did all the things I need to do to make myself busy, to bring myself in high spirits, to make myself forget the things that should not bother me. And it’s as much frustrating and disappointing to apprehend, in the end, that the beers and sticks were just total waste of money because after all, they don’t make me feel better.
Maybe this is the price I have to pay for some good fortune that happened to me. I now earn my own money, I passed a North-American qualifying exam, I can now pay my own phone and internet bills, I have new good friends who I can laugh with, and what have you. See? At least that part of me is something I can really be proud of as of the moment.
For now, I can only consider this chapter as a fraction of what I have to experience in my quarter-life crisis year. Or so I believe. Cliché as it may sound but I am charging all these to experience, nothing more, nothing less. I may have faced some harsh realities but I won’t allow any of them to eat me up. I know I will be a better person because I choose to move on and continue trudging. I don’t know what happens next though. I leave it all to my Omnipotent Being.
P.S.: It’s even sadder to consider deleting this site because I think, it all started here. 😦
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