…ay gagraduate ka na talaga! for sure.
note: this entry was originally written on March 6 but due to some reasons beyond my control, ngayon ko lang napost ito. anyway…
I am thankful to a lot of things especially during the years I spent, spend, and will be spending still in college. (So don’t mistake this blog as a valediction. Haha. This is just a simple journal I hope to read one day, someday — years after everything in my life will not be as happy as now.)
I wonder what moved me to be as emotional as this… again! I hate this actually — when I have to stop myself from crying and wasting another bucket of tears but can’t do anything because I just have to cry to ease myself. This isn’t about g or about a pakshet lovelife. No way. Not now!
It’s been more or less 8 hours since I arrived home. Yes, I’m in Polomolok right now, lying on the comforts of my bed while making my pillow wet (with tears). Oo, I’m back to being the crying beans. And there’s no way out of this bullshit emotion so I need to write this down because I can’t open this up to any people in the house. And they’re all asleep so wala japun. The story follows.
Fixing my hair in front of the mirror before I left from the boarding house earlier, I was having a good conversation with anj, joan, and corinne. I actually can’t remember who asked this question but I know somebody did (maybe anj):
“Mag-uli ka Beans? Si Rea? Magsabay mo?”
I just continued fixing my hair thinking that it was just like any ordinary questions my friends would ask me. Then I answered:
“Naa man syay exam sa Sunday…
Pero ok na pud ni, at least masanay na ko magbyahe pauli na ako na lang. Unsaon na lang, mugraduate na baya sya.”
I laughed after I answered and as expected, they also laughed showing protest to my ‘kakornihan’ again. Then somebody asked again:
“Pano man na next sem beans? Mag-unsa ka sa bus ug wala si Rea?”
“Maghilak,” I said but that was not too serious. Haha. Then I added, “dapat magkakotse na jud ko next sem para di loser ang dating. Para mapilitan si Rai musakay bisag wala na syay tuyo sa Davao.”
You wish Beans! Your car is not so soon. Haha Anyway…
So I left. Good thing I was super sleepy earlier so I just slept all throughout the travel. For 3 hours!
Fast forward to 10:30 in the evening — right this moment. I was about to sleep when Rai texted me that Anj told her about the conversation earlier. Oops, I did not even plan to tell her about it because I know it will all sensationalize everything. And I know it will end up this way. But since it’s known to Rai, all I can do is accept it. And diba gani Rai, we need to say everything through joke to lessen the harsh reality – that you will not be a student anymore soon. This is not bitterness. Nabuang na. Of course who doesn’t want you to graduate? Haha. I have long accepted that I need to extend, it’s beyond my control e. haha.
I am just thinking about next sem. Imagine what I will miss next sem.. 😦 :
- No Rea will be with me inside the bus.
- No Rea will reserve a seat for me every time I will be late for class.
- No Rea will lend me the notes needed because I’m super lazy inside the classroom.
- No Rea will listen to my stories of anger, happiness, and nonsenseness.
- No Rea will share ‘puff’ session with me.
- No Rea will be willing to drink and get drunk with me.
- No Rea will give her vegetables to me when she orders chopsuey or pinakbet.
- No Rea will say ‘drop the fuck beans!
- No Rea will motivate me to do my papers because I can only work if I see Rea almost done with hers’.
- No Rea will go with me to UP Anda to look for books.
- No Rea will sit and wait for me while my haircut is not yet done.
- Daghan pa kaayo, kapuy na hilak. Hahahaha.
Oh yeah, I know distance doesn’t matter at all if both of you know you’re really good friends. And this is more than the relationship lovers have. Lovers may have doubts and all but with us, I know we both know where our loyalty and trust belong.
But everything will change in about a month from now. And I can do nothing to stop that part of our reality. We need to grow and we have to learn how to live our new lives — apart from each other…
For one, I know Rai knows I thank, care and love her sooooo much.